ally of reason [entries|friends|calendar] >< I /} (/) RLF [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

() casting a shadow on this fine jewel of commercialism. [14 Feb 2007|12:57pm] (just because i still think this is the best way i've put it, and the original was quickly lost in the sea of myspace spam, here it is again.) it's long since been the tradition of humans to take any socialogical characteristic that can pose as a threat and throw a holiday at it. it was good intentions that dreamed up the days of recognition to both convert and consolidate. and served a purpose, they most certainly did. however, it seems to be a given that each of us knows the idea never sinks in. when the whole has merit, each unit involved need not be so inclined. and the failing of the individual may find adequate protection under the wing of this shapeless motion of so-called unity. i would say all this in reference to "these days" or "nowadays". but my history lessons as of late have echoed endlessly the role ignorance plays in faith and the role faith plays in a society. it is only by contrast that a society can go from ignorant to educated and still appreciate the implications of unity. it takes only a single generation to subvert that appreciation and relieve said unity of it's head. so today this headless blunder pauses to appreciate it's concept of companionship. unwittingly drawing unavoidably obvious contrast to it's complete lack of such when left to it's own devices. it's sad how holidays are meant to fortify and promote the practice of good will and positive ideals and all they seem to do is quarantine them like little idols locked away in a church you need only pay tribute to once a year to have it said that you are on the straight and narrow. so, on that note, i dearly wish all of you a happy valentine's day. remember the importance of loving always and giving always. if you treat the ones you love the way you know you should, then today will call for no more celebration of companionship than you already practice.

(9 )-o-( ) comradery and culpability. [10 Mar 2005|10:54am] [ mood | soulless compassion ] [ music | the kovenant - the birth of tragedy ] walking home, limping slightly- my left leg reminding me that tearing up muscle does not go without consequence, i was pondering the sound of the crunching gravel beneath my feet that i couldn't hear over the ministry that was blasting in my ears when something caught my eye. a pigeon waddling quickly away from me as i walked behind him. before i could ask why he hadn't just taken to the air, i noticed that his right wing was dragging on the ground lightly in a partly open form. so we walked together for awhile. me and my limp and he and his dragging wing. i felt sad for him because i know that the only thing left for a grounded bird is death. but it was comforting to know that he wouldn't regret his death. he wasn't concerned with such complexity. he was too busy just waddling fast away from me. his comrade for the passing moment. i enjoyed my observation of his perspective. he does not despair at the impending starvation and agony of atrophied ambition. he only looks to the sky. waiting for the wind to pick him back up again. as i watched him look left and right seeming almost confused about only being able to go one way or the other, i believe that he missed the sky. his life was a simple one, but one of grace and freedom. he turned away from me as soon as the alley came to it's opening to the paved street and all the noise of the human world. i found myself admiring his simplicity as i bid him farewell. he just hugged the wall of the house as he kept moving, looking back from time to time to make sure i hadn't followed him. he stopped on the doorstep of the house. fidgety and uneasy, he just didn't know what to do next. as i entered the next alleyway and he disappeared from sight, i found myself appreciating human complexity. there are very few true dead ends for a reasoning mind. and there are few true limits to which a human is bound. a human could choose to relax on the doorstep and reflect on his life. or perhaps mend his damaged limb and learn from the incident that damaged it. spending the down time thinking and utilizing it's silence to bring new inspiration to his life. changing perspective on a whim. scoffing at the notion of human value, i returned to my usual train of thought. secure in the knowledge that my friend was as certain to die of hunger as humans are to eat themselves into starvation. our destinies really aren't that different. the only thing that makes him better than us is that he doesn't have a choice. circumstance was his father and it will be his grave. kind of like our arrogance, actually.

(6 )-o-( ) the heavens reak of decay. [28 Feb 2005|12:26am] it's curious to me, the things i feel when the dust has settled. it's like stepping out of the roar of the Colosseum after an incredible and emotional event back into the silence of ones own life. the sound of shifting sands on empty streets thrown about lightly by insignificant winds of change. the same that play with the ends of your hair and create a facade of life in your clothes as they restlessly sway. it's a calm cadence. the idea still lives strong in my mind, but all eyes have turn away from me. and in the lazy flow of this distracted silence, i remember my place. one foot in front of the other. one thought to stand by another. sense and reason built on the theory of progression. we all try so desperately to reach the clouds. but who's to say that there is any difference between those who learn to fly and those who simply stack up enough bodies? no one, i say. our ambition is equaled only by our arrogance. so it is only appropriate that such thoughts of great accomplishment are hardly more than day dreams to sweeten the bitter taste of a pointless life. note to self: stop breathing.

() [27 Feb 2005|04:52am] something i drew over the past week. i call it triangulation. please tell me what you think. if it makes any sense to you, tell me what sense you see.

(3 )-o-( ) profit before principle. [19 Dec 2004|10:33am] [ music | silence ] been spending a lot of time thinking about purpose this past year. what it is people are meant to do. and why it is that modern society is such a perverse mockery of just that: purpose. the sheer over abundance of humans and our misconceptions of progress have almost completely negated purpose. each and every person should have something useful to offer. be able to make something useful to earn his or her way in life, to contribute to the prosperity of society, not the profit. and that's what it all comes down to. profit. i am utterly disgusted with the society for which i belong. and as such i am thoroughly disgusted with my existence and it's uselessness. this whole "modern world" of ours, from the perspective of history from past to present, is a disgrace. it claims to some sort of dignity or propriety yet it acts like a kid who found his dads gun. the fire of our selfishness has burned as bright as a star for this past century. but now, as it's glory fades, our eyes start to see that we have reached the end of the forest. and our demise is just beyond those trees. fuk my kind. burn us all into the ground. at least our ashes will have purpose. well, that is, as long as some arrogant, grieving bastard doesn't stuff them into a sealed container. (and don't even get me started on coffins.) note to self: 1.cure cancer. 2.tell no one.

(4 )-o-( ) you will be pleased to find numberous amenities in hell. [09 Nov 2004|05:07am] [ music | kmfdm - meglomaniac ] when was that last time you looked at your ceiling? seriously. it's disturbing how little we question the places we call home. well, unless you have some kind of pest problems that is. ants, spiders, cockroaches, roommates, etc. the mind is like teeth. how it can break down and start to rot while still resting so snug in your skull. such are all the things we keep in there. memories, knowledge, dreams, etc. it's usually a simple method involving a familiarity outside the mind to maintain the motivation stuffs inside. but life is like walking. you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. it doesn't even matter what direction you are walking. it's all just controlled falling anyways. and it's always away from one thing and toward another thing. that's progression right? yeah, something like that. accomplishment is just something we dream up in our minds. a template for success we rely on to tell us if and when we have become useful to anything or anyone. but that's just another thing that rots in the cranium isn't it. so better hurry and win your war or you might just forget the cause. one day you'll be sitting in a trench, dressed in camo, tightly gripping your m16 as the rain comes pouring down at some unknown hour of the night and you'll suddenly lift an eyebrow as you think to yourself "why the hell am i here anyways? shit, i can't remember". no one would willing stand in line waiting for their turn to die if they knew that was what they were actually doing. well, i wouldn't worry to much. the vast majority of humans are just canon fodder anyways. and that does classify as "useful". to who? doesn't matter. we wouldn't get very far if every joe had a habit of biting the hand that feeds him. no point remembering things that don't matter. there is no absolution. only different degrees of acceptance delegated by varying levels of submission brought on by any level of pain. such is to say that humans are weak things that, with the proper mix of resources (money, charisma, cattleprods, guns, explosives, nuclear weapons, naked girls, etc.), anyone can control. one need only practice their sinister laughter and build a secret underground lair.

() [09 Oct 2004|11:45am] i feel like going clubbing tonight. just need to get out of here for awhile.

(5 )-o-( ) that pesky thing [26 Sep 2004|12:04pm] XI: love is a sneaky little bastard. Juliet: indeed XI: you gotta keep a fly swatter on the ready 24/7. seriously.

() [06 Sep 2004|06:14am] [ mood | echos in the skin ] [ music | portishead - roads ] without rules the game is nothing. but in solitude there is no referee. so win your battles alone. crush the resistance within yourself and see your accomplishments climb so high they split the clouds. but don't look around to see if you've turned any heads. no one's watching. no one is listening. you're hardly more than a ghost consumed in a hurricane of thought. and if you can't get to the point where it means something to you than it will never mean anything at all.

(4 )-o-( ) [18 Aug 2004|01:31pm] the 12th planet. what an incredible concept.

(12 )-o-( ) stare long enough into the void and the void will stare back into you. [01 Aug 2004|12:08am] a cameleon doesn't cry when his skin instinctually blends. but he might consider skinning himself when he comes to realize that love is blind to all but bloodiest red. you are never unique, but you are always alone. remember this. this is truth. however, there is no truth. there are only consistencies and what you need to hear. all i can smell lately is decay.

(3 )-o-( ) [22 May 2004|11:55pm] well, there's always the third option. i could just stay up too late, kill my alarm clock in my sleep, and sleep in til midnight so i don't have the option to go clubbing. ehhh fuk. well, the idea was kinda last minute anyways. i suppose i'll just go next week.

(3 )-o-( ) [04 Apr 2004|05:47am] i just ruptured my right eyebrow with my aluminum yo-yo. never thought a little toy like that could slam a quarter inch gash into my face. i think i could see the bone in there, but it was too bloody to tell. haha oh well, a couple of strips of tape later, a glass of chocolate milk, and i think i am done with my yo-yo practicing for the evening. ;)

() effluvium of opprobrium [01 Apr 2004|12:28pm] all liars to burn as they should in the fires of dying passion. the struggle of the weak to endure change becomes the fall of the foolish when a single word is misspoken by choice. from concise to obsolescent. tomorrow is a cherished possession that is impossible to own.

(1 )-o-( ) [31 Mar 2004|06:40am] all these years and i still get all giddy about going home, making chocolate milk, and watching ducktales. hah

(1 )-o-( ) one foot in front of the other. it's not always a choice. but it only gets you somewhere if it is. [31 Mar 2004|12:12am] [ mood | obviating adulations. ] when a man admits to loving a thing, is he admitting to a weakness or a strength? both, of course. the strength is the motivation and therefore, the momentum he gains from the presence of said love. and the weakness is in the fact that the momentum is exogenous and, as such, is beyond his control. to commit to anything on any level is to submit to the consequences and rewards of its method. to love, whether willingly or unwittingly, is to become susceptible to the risk of loss. most who love struggle with their fear and ruin everything again and again because they have not consciously accepted the fact that the risk is part of the game. but there are those who make the choice. those who accept the risk willingly and, therefore, blame no one but themselves for the suffering that such a commitment will inevitably incur. that's where the real beautify of experiences come in for me. the callousing of the hands as you build. the tears of a broken heart evaporating. the blood of fresh cuts coagulating. it's life's defense of itself on the most basic level and the world around you absorbing the residue. my appreciation of such relieves me of the fear of loss as I have personally witnessed the insane resilience of life many times.

(8 )-o-( ) [28 Mar 2004|09:02am] good people who accept their value and befriend good people can become great people. good people who spend their lives shoveling human waste, cannibalizing their own maternal instinct just to compensate for their own feelings of inadequacy, never become anything more than good people covered in shit. period. i can't even put into words how pathetically deplorable this maternal instinct shit can get(well, maybe with a webster's and a half an hour). seriously, all you people do is add to the longevity of suffering. the weak are meant to suffer. it is the suffering that transforms them into the strong. an entirely necessary cocoon or sorts. delaying the inevitable is outright cruel. not compassionate. humans have the most morbidly fuked up concept of exactly what "compassion" is. a good friend is there for you when you need them. a real friend knows when not to be.

(2 )-o-( ) start'n up the site [23 Mar 2004|12:58am] www.rlfstrain.com just that same old coming soon page. but the domain name and the hosting are taken care of. ;) one step closer. now i just have to figure out how the hell this whole website thing works. haha

(8 )-o-( ) princes of fire. [21 Mar 2004|04:53am] venturing out is so much like going to war. i am really ready for anything when i step out that door. i can see the end of my path in this life. i see what it adds up to. and it no longer scares me. i am who i am. i am what i am. from caterpillar to butterfly. again and again. every day. i have learned to code my cocoon. inscribed in r.l.f. code so that my body will be tempered with ruin and my wings will take the shape of pain. i will not understand the shadow of fate until i stand in the light to cast it. but i know what it is. and i know why it is. the eye of reason is not all that connects us to this world. ruin and pain became the allies that changed the face of the world. and it's amazing how effectively they've cleansed this place. you are your own worst enemy. there's no escaping it. so the only way to achieve realistic balance to become your own best ally. this is something i have accomplished. there is so much i understand now. being able to see beyond my own sky. my angel of dreams has been purged. once again to roam my world free of the perversion of exogenous direction. and now she is exactly what i always needed her to be. it wasn't to be filled with the love of another or to be move and breath with the soul of a mate. it was to be clean. finally wiped clean of the residue of the agonies that destroyed me so many times. and with all connections severed through her, i will fight to see her remain as such. sure there is possibility for love. but it will come from the shadows. just as it was meant to be. i am working now to write this all down. to tell the story as i promised i would. a website will be up soon. simple and clean. and then we go from there. i must overcome my tendency to try and design a planet destroying ion lazer before even knowing how to construct a simple hand gun. that is almost as asinine as it is impossible. always remember: "learn like you're going to live forever. love like you are going to die tomorrow." i will not stray. i refuse to. ( a few more pics )

(2 )-o-( ) [13 Mar 2004|02:23am] [ mood | ugh. ] -Xibot's worst thing said to a customer this evening: "if someone showed you something on the computer that they weren't suppose to and they're not here to break the rules again, then you should have payed attention. the concept of self service is to serve one's self. if you have no interest in learning then your are obviously in the wrong place." (XI gets pissy when his stomach aches and the skinbags bicker)

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]